Professional Interactions: How to SAY what you want people to HEAR

Anything that interferes with or affects communication – from language barriers to lack of time to social anxiety to fear of confrontation – can set up a barrier.

It is really important that every student preparing to start their career intentionally works at getting better at interpersonal communication. After all, having solid, interpersonal communication skills is the NUMBER ONE MOST IMPORTANT  personal characteristic employers say they are looking for. They will hire someone who can communicate well OVER someone who can do the job better (but struggles to get along with their colleagues).

Remember that every communication, large or small, sends a message about your values and priorities. Take time. Make sure you are SAYING what you want the other person to HEAR.

Why do you need to worry about any of this? Can’t you just … talk?

There are a lot of things that can get in the way of communicating effectively – of people HEARING what you think you are SAYING. 

Consider this short list:

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Restaurants tend to be multicultural places.

In a given restaurant, you may have 5-10 different nationalities with varying degrees of comfort with English. This melting pot can be a great opportunity to get to know others very different from you… it can also cause some serious breakdowns in communication. Here’s a few:

We all speak with accents and dialects that reflect where we live now and where we have lived in the past. A dialect is the variation of a language spoken by a particular group of people, such as Easterners, Southerners, or Bostonians. Even if everyone is speaking the same language, members of different groups must often work hard to understand what is being said.

For many people, including those working in the restaurant and foodservice industry, English is a second language. It takes a lot of concentration and energy to master something new when someone is not completely familiar with the language. Be patient with people who are still learning. Do not let the way a person speaks affect you negatively.

This may be as easy as soda versus pop, or hoagie versus hero versus submarine versus grinder. It may also be something as easy as understanding the dialect. For example, in the North Midland area of the United States from Pennsylvania into the Central Midwest,doughnuts are often called dunkers or fatcakes.

A Word About Jargon

Buzzwords, technical language, and slang usually should not be used unless the communicator is absolutely sure that the audience understands these words. In most cases, it is better to avoid jargon altogether.

Restaurants are FULL of jargon… and until you know what all the words mean, you’re going to feel lost. 86 the special? Huh? How about the regular ol’ slang that someone who speaks english as a second language is really going to struggle with? Like “get on the stick” for “work faster” or “I’m in the weeds” for “I’m overwhelmed.”

Not everyone understands words in the same way. Can the audience understand the message as you intended? Does the audience understand the actual words of the message as well as the speaker does? Do words or phrases mean one thing to the communicator and another thing to the audience? Consider replacing “common” phrases (or adages) or words that have multiple meanings with simpler terms. Make sure the intended meaning is clear.

The word “ill” means “to be sick,” but sick can also mean “cool.” The word “mouse” means “rodent” or “computer device.” Cup of soup, cup of coffee, and cup of flour all mean something different-one is a bowl, one is drinkware, and one is a measurement.

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Regular ol’ Miscommunications

On the other hand, most of the really significant barriers to communication don’t have anything to do with speaking the language and everything to do with how we talk, what we mean, and how we say it. Consider these barriers and think about how often you have been guilty of one or more:

Do you assume someone knows how to solve a problem when it happens? Have you provided enough instruction to get the problem fixed? Or are you providing too much basic information? Make sure you understand what your audience knows before you deliver a message.

Stating: “We have too many people waiting to be seated,” identifies the problem, but it does not offer a fix. It assumes the recipient will fix it and/or knows how to fix it.

Bad writing can cause confusion and/or leave room for interpretation. This is ESPECIALLY true in text messages. Check and then double check that you have been as clear as possible.

Remember, “Let’s eat, Grandma,” versus, “Let’s eat Grandma.” The first sentence invites grandma to eat. The second sentence invites others to eat grandma.

A prejudice or bias is a preconceived idea about something that could affect a message, usually negatively. They come from many factors, including experiences, upbringing, and cultural beliefs. People con be biased against a group, a particular person, or even a situation. Do you carry certain biases based on experiences you have had? Do you think certain groups of people have a tendency to do something or not do something? Do you have attitudes that influence the way you send your message? Are you afraid to talk to certain people? Answer these questions honestly for yourself. Then reexamine your communications to make sure your messages do not include any bias.

Some examples include thinking that all teenagers are lazy or that all older people do not know how to use technology.

Restaurants are often busy, loud environments and it can be difficult to make out what people are saying, even if they’re shouting. Will machinery, loud-talking people, or blaring radios interfere with the clear reception of the message? Is the noise associated with a specific time or location? Try to find a place to either get rid of or reduce this noise.

Trying to speak to an employee in the loud, busy entryway of a restaurant is not conducive to good communication. It would be better to move the conversation to somewhere quieter to ensure the recipient hears everything being communicated.

Face-to-face meetings can be difficult for people who need a lot of personal space. The amount needed can vary based on people’s upbringing and experiences. Give the other person space before beginning communication.

North Americans usually feel comfortable with greater personal space, whereas Europeans prefer to be closer to their companions. While this may seem unimportant, opinions associated with the acceptable amount of personal space can become a problem. Moving too close to a North American could appear insolent or even threatening. Moving too for from a European could appear disdainful or aloof.

Body language and other forms of non-verbal communication are just as important to remember when trying to communicate effectively. Closed body language includes: little or no eye contact, limited facial expressions and creating barriers with items or folded arms. These can make you seem disinterested and unapproachable.

Does your body movement interfere with listening? Do your gestures help send the right message? You should avoid using gestures that might appear to be in conflict with the message.

An example might be smiling and nodding your head while rolling your eyes.

Speakers can say something in a tone that differs from the meaning of what they are saying. People often judge the sincerity of a speaker by his or her tone. Is the tone one of open shoring and inclusion? Or does the speaker sound negative, snobby, or disapproving? Avoiding negativity and sarcasm is critical to sounding sincere.

“Turn in your time card by the end of the day, versus, “Time cards should be turned in at the end of the day, please.”

Other distractions 

Many other things can affect how successful communication is. For example, personal life and mood might have an impact. Sometimes, what is acting as a barrier to communication is not obvious until the communicator tries to deliver a message. Sometimes, the barrier to communication is situational, like when you have a demanding customer or boss complaining, questioning, or yelling at you and won’t let you get a word in. This makes communication difficult because the conversation is one-sided and gives you little chance to offer assistance.